The {H} Family

I hope everyone had a wonderful Conference Saturday.  I was painting while listening and still getting so much out of it.  Between sessions I was able to take pictures for this sweet family.  We had to duck the rain a couple times and somehow we made it out without getting soaked.  I used to work for Chad & Kami at their dental practice.  This family is gorgeous and hilarious.  Like I almost peed my pants laughing at the jumping photos.  I just love what I do so much and I hope it shows in each of my photos.  Thanks Howe Family! 

Cesarean. It's not the end of the world, it's the beginning of your baby's life.

As I start this next post, here is my usual disclaimer: This is my view of my life and medical situation.  My choices are made on what has been best for me and mine.  I've consulted medical doctors and made decisions based on their information.  

Cesarean or C-section seems to be a hot subject.  It's gotten a bad rap and for a lot of women this is their birth option.  I'm hoping that I can help others to understand why I made my choice for my baby and me.  Please be understanding with someone's decisions, especially those sweet and hormonal moms out there trying to get their baby here safely.

When I gave birth to Ava it was a tricky situation.  She was a breech baby.   At 5 months, my midwife started preparing me for the idea of a cesarean birth.  

Why did she prepare me for so long?  She told me that sometimes when women are not prepared for the idea of a c-section they struggle with having one.  Depression can set in, they might be upset that their "birth plan" changed, and so on.  During my pregnancy with Ava, I also had low amniotic fluid.  This factor also put me on bed rest and made it harder for her to turn into position in the final days of pregnancy.   Together with my midwife, another OB, and myself we made a plan to have me go on bed rest to raise the fluid and then try and physically turn Ava before the delivery.  

Things not to do while pregnant and on bed rest:

• Watch a baby being turned, a vaginal birth, or c-section via internet videos
• Listen to other people's hellish personal accounts of everything that went wrong with their birth
• Get opinions from too many people

I did all three.

My Dr. tried turning my strong willed baby a few times. It was painful and unsuccessful.  My amniotic fluid wasn't cushioning the baby enough, so she would turn back to the breech position.  There I was, prepped and headed into surgery for my first c-section.  I would be lying to say I wasn't nervous.  With all the planning in the world I still had a little anticipation anxiety for sure.  Ava came out safe and perfect in just a few minutes.  She was beautiful and everything I had waited for.  The c-section was just a footnote in her arrival.

 

There was pain after the surgery.  Looking back, I feel like it was more from trying to turn her than the actual surgery. My stomach muscles were bruised.  I had experienced major surgery.  There were staples, I couldn't cough without pain, walking was rough, I needed pain meds for days, and I couldn't pee without help.  Would I do it all again?  Yes.  This was my birth option, she had to come out and that was her exit.  

Multiple women I know have had a "C" and it never really stressed me out as far as a scar, or the pain factor.  I've honestly never been that girl that wanted to be in labor for hours on end. I don't know anyone that would.  I knew from the miracle of modern medicine that my scar would heal and my baby would be safe.  I also never associated having a c-section with being selfish or being less of a mother.  You're birth plan doesn't make you a mother, your actions and how you love your baby does.

After a couple days in the hospital, the bandages came off and I got my first look at my "new" stomach.  Post baby your stomach looks about 6 months pregnant and still full.  My incision was beautifully symmetrical and low on my belly.  They told me it would go down over time and shrink substantially.   Guess what?  They weren't lying.  By the following summer I was wearing a bikini and my scar was never visible to others.  The pain from surgery went away after a few weeks and I never looked back.

From my previous post on infertility, you might remember that it was a suggestion for me to try and have my babies somewhat close together.  So a year and a few months after having Ava, we became pregnant with Cohen.  Before and after he was conceived the top question I would get from everyone was "are you going to have a VBAC with your next one?"  

VBAC = Vaginal Birth After C-Section

Again, I carefully considered the pros and cons of a VBAC vs. a C-section:

• A VBAC is a lot less expensive than a C-section
• A VBAC can cause bladder problems and result in additional surgery
• A C-section is major surgery and requires more downtime on your body
• A C-Section can be a scheduled birth (which was a plus in my book!)
• It had only been two years since my previous birth and the scar on my uterus might not be strong enough for a vaginal delivery
• I had also been told that a second c-section isn't as painful as the first

Then I did the best thing for me and talked to a Dr. He was very receptive to all of my concerns and wanted to help me achieve the best and safest result for my baby and myself.  Tim, my Dr., and I went through every risk of each option and again I made the decision very early in Cohen's pregnancy to have a scheduled cesarean birth.  Even with the knowledge of my previous painful c-section, I figured that was it.  Decision made.  Then the questions of others poured in.
  

I'm opinionated, but a huge thing I have learned about motherhood is sometimes unsolicited advice, however thought of as helpful, can be hurtful to others.  I was really surprised about the concern I received about having a second c-section.  I'm using the word concern, but really it was more like a judgment.  Sometimes the questions hurt.  I felt like others doubted my choice, like I just made a snap decision without thinking.  I started feeling frustrated when other people would ask me about my birth plan, like I had to somehow defend it.  I only care about the safety of my baby and me.   Why does so-and-so care if I do it this way? 

Questions like "Why would you want to do that again?" "Why wouldn't you want to have a baby the real way?" "Isn't a c-section really bad on your body?" "You can't nurse if you have a c-section, right?  Surprisingly, this question came up a ton.

I think we are afraid of what we don't know.  Between the repeated questions and the hormones of pregnancy I was getting angrier by the minute.  I just never realized the lack of knowledge there was out there about C's.  Most of the mothers I've talked to that have had a c-section didn't find their birth to be that traumatic.  It was the people around them that made it seem that way. 

In a perfect world pregnancy wouldn't involve discomfort, weight gain, stretch marks, or morning sickness.  Birth would mean your body went right back to it's pre-pregnancy state, you could leave the hospital in your skinny jeans and not your maternity stretch pants, you would look gorgeous while pushing out that watermelon, and maybe somehow you could bypass 30 people seeing your lady parts in the process.  This is real life.  People have seen my lady parts and some days only my maternity pants fit. So just like my post-baby body, a birth plan isn't always perfect.

Cohen's big arrival came quickly.  I checked into Labor and delivery at 6 am.  The anesthesiologist gave me a spinal block for the surgery instead of an epidural.   With a c-section, you are not put completely out by the anesthesiologist.  I was numb, but could still feel pressure in my stomach.  Tim had geared up in his scrubs, the nurses prepped me, the doctors with scalpels in hand went to work, and within a few short minutes I could hear my sweet, fresh from heaven, baby boy crying.  He was perfect.  Tim rushed off with him to be checked and bathed.  Both times my husband has left with my baby and it can be rough.  The anesthesiologist distracted me while they closed me up.  This time instead of staples, they used glue and somehow made my incision site smaller than before.  

After the procedure I was taken to my room.  Within a few hours, I could sit up, touch up my hair and makeup (yes, I'm that girl), walk, and snuggle my baby.  I was a little sore, but the pain was manageable and I felt good.

Typically, you can stay at the hospital four nights with a cesarean.  I'm totally that person that enjoys my hospital staycation.  You have help post-surgery, you don't have to worry about food, and you get to relax and bond with your newest arrival.  It takes a town to raise a baby, well for me it takes a hospital staff to get me through the first few days.  Recovery on my second round was a breeze compared to the first.  I'm so thankful that I was able to have options for my birth and a supportive Dr. I think if we take a step back and look at the upside of any situation we will realize what's really important.

Being a mother doesn't always mean you gave birth to your baby, it means loving that sweet, perfect child more than yourself.  Whether a natural vaginal birth, an epidural vaginal birth, a c-section, foster care, or adoption... they are all still the children that our Heavenly Father chose for us.  We are the ones who kiss them better, watch them grow, give hugs, are there for the good and the bad.  We are their warriors, their advocates, their cheerleaders, their best friends, and sometimes their heroes.  Even in our toughest moments, we know that it is all worth it.  We are their mothers.  

Happy Mother's Day

Make it the best one yet.

 

Please contact Jamie at jamesonhealy@gmail.com for comments and feedback on her latest post.  If you have a product or business you would like featured contact us at the above email.  

Baby T Moccs Review & My baby girl

Our #1 favorite footwear for our littles would have to be BabyTMoccs.  We have talked about them before on our blog, this time we are testing out their new rubber sole.   Ava has pretty much exclusively worn her platinum moccs seen here since March and they have held up perfectly with a lot of love on the soles.  As Ava started walking everywhere, I decided it's time for the sole.  We took them straight to Disneyland and she loved them.  Moccs help little growing feet bend and move in the shoe.  Ava is a tippy toe walker and she can still do that with the rubber sole.  I have never found anything that stays on her little feet better and the elastic helps hold the shoe on without being too tight. 

 Overall I would suggest adding the sole if your little is a walker or if they play outside a lot.  It's a $10 add on, but I think it will extend the life of your babe's moccs.  Ava's newest pair are gunmetal and to-die-for.  I'm also loving BBT's newest fun stripes, skulls, and flowers.  I love buying local and these shoes are made right here in Utah.  The quality is unreal and they are super soft.  
Check out their website here and I guarantee you won't be disappointed!

Pink Pea Coat from Ted Baker's Spring Line

Silver Sparkle Leggings from Carters

Moccs in Gun Metal from BBTMoccs

XoXo,

 Jamie 

If you would like your product photographed and featured, please contact Jamie at jamesonhealy@gmail.com

My Life Lesson-Taking on Infertility

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This is just part of my infertility story.  I hope this helps those who are struggling to realize it's a common issue.  Babies come in all different ways: adoption, foster, fertility help, and sometimes unexpectedly.  Also, pregnancy is a private and guarded issue for many.  I have found that most people who are struggling will never tell you, even your closest friends.  Always be mindful of what you might say to someone going through infertility, your "helpful" words might hurt.

Endometriosis

Around the time I was a senior in High School, I began experiencing intense cramps each month.  I always knew something was wrong in the back of my mind, but wasn't sure who to talk to about it.  My family didn't really go to the Doctor and my mom wasn't the most open person.  The older I became, the worse the cramping got.  There were days I could barely move, lived with a heating pad, and took as many hot baths as my water heater would allow.  Finally, my aunt talked to me about endometriosis.  She had it.  It was the cause of her infertility and she had similar cramping to go along with it.  

 Birth Control Blues

For years I would take birth control to help suppress the cramping and would only have to deal with it every 4th month.  The birth control started making me too hormonal and so I quit.  As I've talked about in previous posts, I was married before.  My ex-husband wasn't interested in kiddos (point of difference between us) and so I never went to the gyno regularly until I was 25. 

2010 Photo by Veronica Reeve Photography

I had wanted a baby for years and when Tim and I got married, we decided to start right away.  Tim's dad was a OB/GYN and his Midwife at his practice was amazing and the service was free.  I finally sat down with her and discussed my painful cramping and also how I couldn't wait to get pregnant.  The tricky part with endo is that it can't really be diagnosed without a laparoscopy.  Some women have horrible cramps and no endo, and some have no cramps and the worst endo.  After about 5 months of "trying" and many years of cramping, Tim and I sat down with his dad to talk about an exploratory laparoscopy.  Dr. Healy was a very successful Endo surgeon, delivered over 6,000 babies, and was tops in his profession.  We were not close and so I didn't have a problem considering him to do my surgery.  It probably helped that I'm not a shy person. 

Surgery Scheduled

The lap was over in just a couple short hours.  Dr. Healy burned a substantial amount of endo off my uterus.  He said I would probably get pregnant pretty soon post surgery and that my cramping should go down.  Endo is a disease that grows rapidly in some women and you oftentimes have to have maintenance surgery to clear it again.  After a few more months with no luck, we decided on a couple things.  

1. We would try basic fertility as in Clomid and hormones.

2.  If that didn't work, we would move on to adoption. 

Another Year Goes By

When all you are focused on is getting pregnant, everything seems more sensitive.  Friends getting pregnant, strangers with their cute baby bellies, and all of your negative pregancy tests, you think you might break.  Strangers will get involved with their opinions and sometimes they will sound unintentionally hurtful.  Forgive those people.  Especially if they have not struggled with fertility.  Tim would reassure me constantly that it wasn't our turn yet and that I needed to be happy for others.  I started talking more about my endo and fertility struggles with friends, only to find out that it was very common.  The cramping never went away, we had moved up dosage on the Clomid, and still no sign of a baby.  I remember sitting down with Dr. Healy and him telling me a couple things.  One in two pregnancies is a miscarriage and he also said most people never realize they are pregnant since it might just be for a couple days.  

A Specialist

I decided since it had been over a year since my previous surgery and the pain seemed to be getting worse that I would find an Endo specialist.  This led me to Dr. Arrington.  We went in for a consultation and he thought for sure that my endo was back.  We scheduled surgery, this time on my Birthday.  This surgery took about 5 hours.  He told me he would be cutting away the diseased areas instead of lasering/burning them off.  He explained that cutting it would cut down the chances of it spreading so quickly again.  After surgery he told me that it was worse than he had anticipated since I had the same surgery a year before.  It had spread throughout my abdomen, twisted an ovary and attached the ovary to my abdominal wall, and last but not least spread to my appendix which he took out.

And Then We Waited

I healed.  Cramping lessoned, but was still painful.  February came and Tim's dad passed away.  

A sweet little memorial that Davis Hospital put together for Tim's dad. 

A couple more months went by.  We tripled my remaining Clomid and decided after it was gone that we were done with fertility.  We had also been looking at adoption agencies for a few months.  We had finally chosen one to use and started working on our paperwork and were trying to figure out our home study.  A couple more months went by and then it happened.  I felt my stress about not getting pregnant start to lighten and thoughts of adoption replace the need for pregnancy.  After all, I just wanted a special babe to join our family and I was OK with any means of that happening.  

 If you talk to any girl who is anticipating pregnancy, they will all tell you that each month they take many, I mean tons of pregnancy tests.  Mine always ended up negative followed by my period a few short hours later.  So when July came and I refused to take a test for a few days, I knew what had happened.   After a few days of being "late"... I caved and it said positive.  I was in total disbelief.  

On God's Time

I surprised Tim with the news before a concert we were going to in Park City.  He was even more shocked and excited than I was.  Everything we had been praying for finally came true.    

March of 2013 we welcomed our perfect baby girl, Ava.  We became parents.  I became my sweet Ava's Mom.  

A Baby Boy

I knew that I would probably have to have another babe within a couple years of Ava.  Pregancy temporarily stops endo and then it will continue spreading.  I had two potential options, if I waited a few years to have another babe, I might have to have a lap again.  We decided around the beginning of the year that we were ready.  This time after a few months, we were having our next babe.  He will be born in March of 2015.  My kiddos will be almost exactly 2 years apart.  

Be Careful What You Wish For 

I longed so much to be pregnant that I didn't realize that pregnancy can be a rough business.  There are those of you that were like me, waiting, and I'm sure you are muttering to yourself "Jamie, shut up and don't complain."  I wish I could tell you that pregnancy is glowing, beautiful, and that you only get pregnant in your stomach.  Nope.  Not for me.  My booty gets bigger, thighs touch, I puke everyday, and you may or may not get stretch marks.  My pregnancy with Ava was rough.  I even threw up on the operating table during my csection.  As a girl that envied pregnancy so badly, it wasn't the perfect 9 months.  I've learned that lesson twice.  

I'm so thankful everyday for my sweet babies and the miracle it is for me to carry them.  I am so grateful for a Heavenly Father that helped me through the hardest times.  I know so many people that long for a baby and some will get pregnant and some will adopt.  Everyone will have their opinion, follow what route is best for you.

I decided this round of pregnancy that I would have my sweet husband do a few pics for me.  It's so important to document these moments for yourself and your babes.  It's such a blip in your life that leaves the best memories. 

  XoXo, 

Jamie

For questions or comments related to this post, please feel free to contact Jamie at jamesonhealy@gmail.com  

5 Years and Counting.

Today is my 5th Anniversary with my sweet Tim.  We now have 2 kids and have recently been sealed in the Ogden, Utah Temple for all of our eternity.  I'm so glad I can continue sharing my story with each of you.

Photo Credit: Veronica Reeve

The following is a story I wrote 1 year ago for the blog I co-author with my bestie Sheena. My personal posts will be here, but continue checking out mine and Sheena's Adventures over at www.individualrivalry.com

Photo by Veronica Reeve

I'm Jamie and I'm married.  We achieved 4 years of blissful marriage yesterday.  Yep, another anniversary happened.  I'm as surprised sometimes as you are.  I never thought I deserved to be as happy as I am at this moment.  

5 years ago, it was more like "I'm Jamie and I'm divorced."

When I was 18, I met the man I thought I would spend my life with.  We dated a couple years and then got married.  I was 20.  That marriage didn't work out how I thought it would.  I don't know how many people get married thinking "someday I will divorce this person."  I didn't.  I thought I could weather the storms that marriage threw at me.  I couldn't.  He couldn't.  The love diminished, along with the trust and the respect. 

When my ex-husband and I started to separate, there were only a few people my age going through the same thing.  I remember the whispers from friends, family, and even strangers.  That's right, people I never met were somehow involved in my business.  So many people told me to stick it out or just deal with the problems.  I think that can be great advice.  I also think that sometimes (in my case) divorce was the answer.  

Did you know so and so is getting a divorce?

I think that celeb gossip carries over into our real life.  Facebook is our modern newspaper.  It will tell you the weather, obituaries, marriages, pregnancies, parties, disputes, political info, and even who is getting divorced.  I think about how hurt I felt every time I found out what someone would say about me.  Bummed.  I wasn't sure where I fit in.  I dated and dated and dated.  Some great guys and some not-so-great guys.    

A practice husband. 

I love referring to my first marriage with the term "practice."  I made my mistakes and learned from them.  I took a negative about being divorced and made it a positive.

A while into my dating, I found Tim.  Or should I say found again.  Tim and I dated for a minute in high school and he had just returned from a mission the year before we started dating.

 

When we started dating, I couldn't figure out what was wrong with him.  He was spiritual, sweet, and so loving.  Why wasn't he married?  I think he was waiting for me.  He just didn't know it!  Our first date went something like this "Let me tell you every skeleton in my closet before your friends do."  I never thought he would call me for a second date.  I mean, would you want to take on all the baggage?  I'm sure it wasn't easy for him, but he never let on.  He loved me and I adored him just the same.  

I never realized how unhappy I was until I was happy.  

Once every couple of weeks I would try and break up with Tim.  Finally after a few times of this, he told me "I know you aren't used to being treated well in other relationships, but I'm not those guys.  I love you so stop trying to end a good thing."  Finally I listened.  I'm so thankful everyday for that conversation.

Just because you think you don't deserve something, doesn't mean that's how it is. 

I determine what my life will be.  As difficult as some of my decisions were, they led me to the life I have right now.  I wouldn't change any part of my past.  Bold words since I made a few, cough cough, bad decisions.  

I'm so thankful I got a "do-over."

I think so many people experience getting a divorce later in life.  I'm glad to have experienced mine young.  Getting a redo was where I lucked out.  Most second marriages are less likely to last than the first.  I knew that going into my second and I think it makes me work harder to keep it going. 

If you're unhappy, maybe reevaluate.  Know what your getting into before you say "I do" or "I want a divorce."  Both things shouldn't be taken lightly.  The grass isn't always greener and sometimes it feels like a dog has peed all over the grass you are currently barefoot on.  You might just need a little fertilizer to make your own grass green again.  You only get this life once.  

I'm so grateful for that first date with Tim and the many dates since then.  Marriage is hard, but with the right partner the weight is somehow lighter.  We still argue and promptly makeup.  We let go of the dumb little things and cherish great moments together.  He makes me laugh and I still make him a little crazy. 

I love you honey and I'm so thankful you chose me.

Happy Anniversary.

Photo by Veronica Reeve

Photo by Veronica Reeve

Photo by Veronica Reeve

Photo by Veronica Reeve

Photo by Veronica Reeve

Photo by Jamison Elizabeth Photography